Movie Review: Batman Vs. Superman, Dawn of Justice

Synopsis:  There’s Batman.  And there’s Superman.  And stuff happens, I think.  Explosions.  We see Batman’s parents die YET AGAIN but oh, this time the gun firing is what spills Ma Wayne’s pearls.  There’s the Joker pretending to be Lex Luthor or vice versa.  Flash might be in this.  Bruce Wayne dreams a lot, so this might be like Inception and not a real movie at all.

I think there was something in there about people being scared of Superman and an attempt at discussing Gods vs Demons and judging people by your standards, not theirs.  Then there are more explosions.  You learn both Ma Kent and Ma Wayne are named Martha.

Doomsday, kryptonite, a grave, the end.

The Good:  Uhm.  Let me think.  On the objectification front- Henry Cavill looks good.  I usually don’t think that of Affleck, but in the opening scenes with the graying temples, it worked.  Gal Gadot wore a couple beautiful gowns.

The Bad:  This is a longer list.  First off- it was dark.  Not in tone (although that was as well) but in color.  You needed the explosions to just SEE ANYTHING.

I have a vague idea of plot- Lex Luthor kidnaps Ma Kent, tells Superman to kill Batman or she dies.  Batman is branding people for some reason, thinks Supes is too powerful.  But they bond and make-up.  A lot of this is speculation though.  For the most part, I had NO idea what was going on.  It felt like a series of ‘batman vs. superman’ trailers tacked together to make 2 hours.  The way Lex Luthor speaks makes me think all his lines were cut from the Dark Knight script as ‘not quite Joker enough.’  When they’re not nonsensical they’re trite (like turning a painting of angels and demons upside down, because you now know demons come from the sky).

So – you can’t see anything, and have no idea what’s going on.  That’s the basic gist of the bad.  Oh, and speaking in growls is back for Batman, so there’s that.

The Female:

Lois Lane is pointless except as a weak spot for Superman, because isn’t that all we are?

Ma Kent is kidnapped to make Superman kill Batman.

Ma Wayne is killed to make Batman become Batman (can’t be an overpowered male if not spurred by the death of a weak female somewhere) and, later, to bond with Supes over their Martha’s.

Wonder Woman has, per the pop-ups on my video player, 16 lines of dialogue.  She fights at the end a bit.  You still need a man to win, though.

Oh, Holly Hunter is in it as some senator.  She gets lines.  She says no to Lex Luthor.  She dies.

If any were removed, you’d never notice.  I don’t think they talked to each other at all, either.  Except for Lois Lane and Ma Kent about Superman – thus not passing the Bechdel Test (two women, talk to each other, and not about a man).

Overall:

I love the idea of Batman and Superman, grew up on both and read the Doomsday comic.  But really, just watch some youtube trailers of this and you’re fine.

 

 

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